Ever feel like there’s that one thing in your life that feels massive, insurmountable, overwhelming? That one project you’ve been wanting to do for years… The one resolution you’ve been aiming for but just haven’t taken the leap? Do you find your inner voice screaming, “What’s wrong with you that you’ve obsessed about this for years?” “Why are you such a lazy procrastinator?” (Does your voice talk to you in the third person too?...)

There’s one thing that virtually all of my clients have in common - across age, ethnicity, background, and regardless of the specific circumstances that led them to me:

They question their ability to make the ‘right’ decisions.

We all struggle to make huge shifts, even when our status quo is crazy-making. But the way to break out of old patterns is surprisingly simple- mini, quantifiable action steps, built-in motivation and accountability, and adding in the pieces you want instead of trying to stop what doesn't. You may sometimes feel like a cricket in a wall, but you're not alone.

My only sticking point with the classic Don Miguel Ruiz book, The Four Agreements is that I vehemently disagree with the idea that we should always 'do our best'. Always? What a load of pressure! Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had my fair share of achievements. When we strive to be our best, we are often held back- by procrastination, limiting beliefs, standards of perfection that keep us from being our most creative and fulfilled selves.

Did you know it takes an average of 66 days to make a shift to your new normal? 21 days, 28 days, 30 days… Have you ever done one of those plans, seen some results, then wondered why it was so hard to feel you’d made real progress? Turns out, it actually takes a little over two months, on average, for your big shift to feel organic.

Whether it’s breaking an old habit or ending a relationship, your brain forms pathways that are reinforced each time you try again. You don't have to be able to see how it will all work out. All you need is have a sense of your intention and to take one step.

It’s the yin and yang that often draws couple together and creates their balance that is often the same dynamic that can cause confusion and disconnect in those moments when our differences don’t form a comfortable balance — and we find we really don’t understand one another.