Why Being Your Best is A Sham
In 2007, burnt out from having moved homes and roles twelve times in fifteen years, I found myself at a Manhattan school founded by a Rabbi, a Priest, and a Swami, The New Seminary. The day I received my ordination as an Interfaith Minister in 2009, the music minister said something to us—it wasn’t a big speech—just a statement, made almost in passing, that has stuck with me every day since: “It is forever that you will be called Reverend.”
There was nothing up to this point I had ever really felt that I would be forever. Since my late teens, I’d gone from idea to idea, job to job, relationship to relationship, project to project, and city to city, yearning to find my ‘one true thing’. I had always longed for that magical niche to claim as my own—that one thing that I, of all people, could claim as my area of authority. But I think I knew, even in that moment, that I could only own up to that title if I let go of the idea that I would ever do it ‘just right’. Even though, on that day, I still had no idea what I would do with my ministry, I knew I had found my path.
Flipping the Script
After officiating my first ceremony (dear friends of mine: A bilingual ceremony between a Mexican Catholic and a Thai Guatemalan Buddhist) in 2009, I started my business in the wedding world. Every day since, I’ve woken up realizing I get to do what I love, it’s meaningful, I’m good at it, and I will likely do it in some form for the rest of my life. Realizing how incredibly rare that alignment is, I launched Whole Life Solutions—coaching designed to flip the script. Rather than starting from the place of the problem, we start from looking at a client’s values, priorities at this stage in life, and desired lifestyle, then get creative on what our options are. I often find that what holds clients back from pursuing a purpose that would truly fulfill them is the feeling that they don’t know enough (and should therefore go back to school for some kind of a different advanced degree), couldn’t be good enough, and can’t see it all figured out.
Always Do What?!
My only sticking point with the classic Don Miguel Ruiz book, The Four Agreements is that I vehemently disagree with the idea that we should always 'do our best'. Always? What a load of pressure! Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had my fair share of achievements.
In reality, we learn better from those who are not necessarily experts—we learn from someone who’s just a little further down the path from them and can show us the way. We don’t want to be inspired by someone who looks, sounds, and acts as though they were born into perfection. We want to hear the wisdom of someone who’s fulfilled, who’s in the flow, who’s loving what they do, but who’s got the bruises to show for it—the underdog, the one who didn’t always get the top grades, the one who has stumbled and fallen and risen again.
Sometimes You Just Have To Take the Plunge and Go For It
Here’s the other thing I’ve found—the clients I’ve witnessed taking the plunge into a new path who go for it- who aren’t sure if they’re stepping in the ‘right’ direction, but who take a step, any step, anyhow—are the ones who make it more quickly, more efficiently, bigger and better- than those who stay in analysis paralysis. Even if they have to self-correct along the way. (Am I the only one who repeatedly wishes I could hit “Control Z” on myself when I say or do the wrong thing?)
When we strive to be our best, we are often held back- by procrastination, limiting beliefs, standards of perfection that keep us from being our most creative and fulfilled selves. When we know that we’re not just accepting second best, we’re actually STRIVING for silver, understanding that it has the capacity to allow us freedom, balance, creativity and exploration, then we can truly shine.
So just do it. Take one tiny step- apply for that ‘random’ job, ask someone who does something cool to meet you for coffee and tell you about it, brainstorm wild possibilities with a friend, force yourself to stop an art project or kitchen creation at “cool” or “interesting” rather than “perfect”, invite friends over for a party when you know you won’t have enough chairs or wine glasses..
Embrace second best.